Recently, I was asked by a friend to attend an A.A. meeting, where she would be giving the "lead" for her first time. Of course I would go, I wouldn't miss it for anything. I was so proud of her. For two years I had witnessed the struggles; divorce, job loss, mental break-down, and poor health in general. That night she would tell her story of her life before her three years of sobriety.

Getting ready for the meeting that night, I took extra time to do my hair and make up, knowing that at some point in the meeting that she would want to make reference to me, about all that I had done for her e.t.c., and most likely, everyone would turn and look at me, so I wanted to look presentable. After all I had made myself available to her 24 hours, for two years, and naturally she would want to thank me (and others), publicly, and of course I was prepared to down play it- no big deal kind of thing.

Sitting there listening, I began to get emotional. To hear her tell her story-her truth, and to see how far she had come to get to this point, was very moving. Still, I couldn't get weepy and mess up my make up, she hadn't mentioned anything about me yet! Well, her story went on, and the time frame in which I had entered her life came and went. No reference made to me, (though she thanked others), I was slightly offended. What really bothered me though was when she started using MY terms, phrases, my material! The kind of person I am, I smiled and acted humored just as the next guy, all the while I'm thinking this is unbelievable! As she continued through her story, I began to take a walk mentally. I wondered if Jesus had ever expected a "thank you" for all of his efforts, and work! I began thinking of all the times I had thanked my therapist/mentor for all of her guidance and love. Anyway, I faked a happy-go-lucky, "Goodbye", and "Great Speech", and got the hell out of there, went home and got pist!

Here is the beauty of this whole thing. It got me thinking. After I processed the anger, I realized there was something more meaningful to all of this than not getting a public thank you. My focus changed from that to, who might have I forgotten to say thank you to, and it really didn't matter what my friend did or didn't do. My thinking swung completely away from all that and set me upon a path where I began to feel love and compassion for all of the many teachers I've encountered, and had the privilege and blessing of having had in my life. And so, to them; Tari-my mentor, my dogs, trees, cows, thunder, seasons, insects, fire, birds, clouds, college, nature, water, stories, Andrew, dreams, my cat, roosters, chinchilla, and the One Great Spirit, I so graciously thank you, and love you from the very essence of my being. There. I felt compelled to mention that little story. For me, exceptional human experiences, started fairly young, though it wasn't until later in life that I was able to plug them in and see the light!

At age 2, I vividly remember having nightmares of a herd of cows chasing me down the hall way of my grandparent's home, where I lived. Ironically, today, I take care of my father's cows (17 of them), and have an extraordinary bond with them. For example, one of the older females had trouble after giving birth- she was left for dead. According to the vet, she wasn't expected to make it. I was a hairdresser at the time, and I would come home in between appointments to be with this old girl (White Face). I had a 5 gallon bucket turned upside down for my seat. I would set there and channel love, and the color green to her back side (where the problem was). I would say prayers, and send her thoughts of perfect health. As I sat for hours on this bucket, in this stinking lean-to shed, I began seeing little gold animated cow angels around the back end of her. I do not do drugs and rarely drink, and I never remember having had an hallucination, so, I took it for what it was. Bizarre, and thrilling. I began to cry. I really took this as some kind of sign. I continued to talk to her in a very loving and cheerful tone, and placed my hands on her as though to heal her. I had hoped this would give her every reason to feel better, little by little until she could take over her own healing. I am happy to say, White Face is very much alive and well today. I always wondered afterwards, while going back and forth to the beauty shop for my appointments if I reeked of cow shit, but couldn't smell it on myself!

I had a dream about our cows. My sister and I were standing on a boat dock looking out toward a lake. Our herd of cows were pulling water-skiers. What caught my eye was that the cows were walking on water while doing this (our whole herd) I turned to my sister (in the dream) and pointed out what the cows were doing. I began laughing, and I told her that is where the term Holy-Cow came from!!! I savored that one when I awoke!

Another real-life incident with the cows, we received a call that our cows were out on the road. They are very smart and know how to tippy-toe over the cattle guard to get across to the road. Upon getting the message I went down our lane a little ways (our lane is very long). I could see the herd a quarter of a mile down the road grazing ever so gingerly! I gave my special call, they immediately all looked up, and began a slow jog towards home. Thirteen cows (at that time) jogging in a perfect uniform group-it made me think of that tune ...rollin, rollin, keep them doggies movin, rawhide! Anyway, by this time, my dad and boyfriend had come out, thinking that we would have to do a round up. They couldn't believe their eyes to see a group of cows running towards home with no one coaxing or driving them. They wanted to come home. The kind of relationship I had (have) developed with them allowed me to do almost anything with them. I felt like a proud animal trainer, though there was no training involved, only love, mutual respect, and our secret!

One more cow story. With this particular one I believe there to have been angelic intervention. I am a fitness nut (some would say), often when I go outside for walks, I strap on an additional 20 pounds of leg weights, for toning and strengthening. As usual, my dogs and I migrated to the woods where the cows were. I decided to give the cows some extra hay. The Bully-Boys (two bulls) are just like school boys in the lunch line, pushing and shoving, excited about meal time. Cows in general are very playful, but especially so when food is being served. I was doing the usual, taking great care in separating the flakes of hay, placing them around on clean areas on the ground. I was squatting down and doing this, while the bully-boys were playing and butting heads right next to me. Mind you, they weighed 1200 lbs each! My dad has reminded me before that, "they could kill you by playing with you just the same as if they were meaning to" I had forgotten that little life saving tid-bit! When all of a sudden one bully rammed into the other pushing him backwards, into what would've been me. I saw this happening out of the corner of my eye, but due to the extra 20 pounds of weight I had on, I was unable to react fast enough. Instinctively, I placed my hand up to block myself ( like I'm going to stop 2400 charging pounds). To my utter disbelief, the bully came to a dead halt, as though he had just taken a little step in my direction. I stood up completely shocked, and of course no one around to say to "can you believe that?" To think I could've been the one ending up hamburger!! It pays to be vegetarian-what goes around, comes around! Seriously though, I can only believe that something intervened and saved me from what would've been a painful death. I wondered, after that, if the nightmares I had at age 2, (herd of cows chasing me) were fresh memories of a recent past life where in fact I was killed by a herd of cattle. Interesting.

This next story is about a cat named Frankie, she is no longer with me, and it took a very long time to get over her death. My grief was somehow balanced out by having such wonderful memories, and stories about her. Here is one that describes her true nature. I had come inside for a glass of water, and to cool off a bit. Frankie, happy to see me gave a start and ran full blast across the room and into the bathroom. This was her greeting, and invitation to follow her. Being trained well by her, I trooped behind her to see what she wanted me to see. True to her nature, she would be doing something comical, and sure enough she was. She had jumped up into the bathroom sink and curled up, and between both paws, she had my teasing comb and was literally combing her face! Of all the combs I have, that one in particular was the one I used not only for me, but I would use it on her and Spitten (my other cat). It was as though, "see mom what I can do all by myself"?! On cue I laughed, and praised her for this little side show. It's amazing to be so totally engrossed in the moment with an animal, that you forget who's who, and what's what. There is no difference.

Another experience. One day I was on my way out, and had locked up the office. In the process, I got an eyelash in my eye! One more thing to slow me down. It was quicker for me to run into the shop bathroom and use the mirror to remove the eyelash that was blinding me. Once in there, I began to pry my eyelid open in front of the mirror when all of a sudden, I heard a loud EEEEEKK behind me. I don't do screams very well, but I let out a shocked hollar when I discovered not ten inches away, behind me, in the toilet, was a rat. He looked so pitiful. He had big brown eyes, and big Mickey Mouse ears that were soaked. He must have fallen in while trying to get a drink, and due to the slippery ceramic he couldn't get back out. Between my hyperventilating, and shaking I reassured him I would get him out somehow. I frantically looked around the shop to find something to get him out. I found a broom stick. I gradually lowered it into the water. The rat eeked and so did I. The broom handle was not going to work at all. By this time, he was so terrified that he hunkered down into the low point of the toilet, with only his little nose sticking out. I tried to calm down, and was asking God to help me. Immediately I felt more calm, and began to speak to the rat in a sweet and reassuring voice. This helped tremendously. It was like he calmed down and was just sitting there waiting on me! I spotted a big pan with a lid and placed it in front of the toilet. I would need something to put him in after I got him out. I knew I would need something textured for him to be able to get his grip. I managed to find a nylon strap that was about 5 inches wide, and very long. Perfect Perfect! I stood back and gave it a fling and it landed on the edge of the stool, I then very slowly lowered it into the water all the while talking real sweet. Just as I expected, he climbed on the strap, and I pulled him (slowly) up and out. I tipped him into the big pan and put the lid on gently. Mission accomplished! I couldn't believe it I took him outside where it was sunny and warm, and let him out in some leaves by a tree. Then I cried! Never, will I forget the look in those precious eyes. Until writing this, I forgot about the eyelash in my eye! An interesting note worth mentioning here, I later acquired a Chinchilla. The events that led me to acquire Muffy, I take to be a "thank you" from something higher. Muffy looks almost identical (more plump) to the rat that I rescued from the toilet. We have a certain connection that I cannot describe.

The next couple of stories are not my favorites, but they are exceptional, in that they taught me as much as the endearing ones. I live right next to a pond. Naturally reptiles of all kinds migrate to and from the pond. It was summer, and everyone was talking about snakes-how bad they are, e.t.c. Let me say, rarely do we see snakes and they are not poisonious in this area. One night, late, I was walking around outside with my dogs. We had just come back from the woods, the dogs picked their favorite spots and laid down. Looking around at each of them I happened to notice a snake curled up not so far away from the dogs. Using my head, no doubt, I went into the shop and got a shovel, and killed it. I thought perhaps it may bite one of my dogs. Out of fear I committed a violent act. The snake I can assure you, was perfectly minding it's own business. Had I used my heart instead I would've reacted much differently. I felt uncomfortable that my dogs saw me do this. What I remember so vividly, is the snake being curled up in the sand just being, and was so shocked when I attacked it. Afterwards I cried and cried, I told Andrew (my boyfriend) how sick I felt, and the guilt was heavy duty. This was a very valuable, and sad lesson of thinking with my head vs my heart.

The other experience. My spider experience. Sitting in my apt. waiting on my cousin, I happened to see this ungodly big fluid leg spider going across the floor. Normally I don't kill bugs/insects (we) put them back outside. I don't know what came over me in this particular case, but I went over and tapped the spider with my shoe to kill it. Well it worked, but out came what seemed to be hundreds of tiny baby spiders. I was stunned. they were frantically looking for their mother. Most of them stayed by the body of their dying mother. Can you imagine how I felt? Again, I stood there and just bawled (I cry a lot). My cousin arrived, and saw the evidence. She too, was bothered by it but very empathetic. This prompted a very long spiritual conversation between us and how we knew that even the smallest of things have intelligence. Again, not my favorite story by far, but I learned a lot from it.

My fascination with existence on all levels i.e. animals, people, insects, e.t.c. has made my life more meaningful and interesting. Like the many times I have rescued flys out of coffee (left in mugs) by having them walk on paper towel to dry off their legs and wings. They're ready for flight again. I swear we must've had the same fly with us until January one time! Too, I'm always ready to help the grand daddy long legs back up on their web above the shower, when the humidity from my shower gets to be more than they can take!

Last year I had the experience of raising five baby chicks (Banties) from three days old to full grown. Something happened to their mother so to them, I became their mother. I had the perfect cage for them, (big) and brought them into our apartment. Embarking upon this project, gave me a good understanding of the relentless effort a mother hen puts into protecting, and providing for her baby chicks. Being new at this, I sort've followed the baby chick's lead. I realized they liked to sleep twelve hours almost to the minute every day. I called around to ask what they are known for eating. I took a few of those suggestions, oatmeal, crackers, and ground corn. Since they were too little to go out on their own to scratch around for bugs and stuff, I would make spaghetti noodles, hoping this would suffice in the place of worms, and it worked! They leaped and jumped over each other to gobble it down. They make a bleaping noise when they are happily preoccupied with food. Full grown, they still do this.

Anyway, I had so many adventures with these little critters. Here are a few. As they got older, I built a pin outside for them. I would take them out during the day. They were growing fast, but still could not fly. I would put things in their cage that they could stand on and try to fly. This was so much fun to see them. These little micro-birds trying so hard to spread their wings to fly. I increased their hours of staying outside, a little each day. They loved it. One day when I was gone for one hour, a chicken hawk got one of them. I grieved for two solid weeks. I kept thinking maybe it flew out. I was obsessed for days looking around for this little chick. To no avail. Eventually, I moved them to our island where I thought they would be safer. To get to the island, I had to get into a flat bottom boat, and row across the pond. I did this faithfully everyday. One day in transporting them, their cage lid had popped off. I had already untied the boat to leave. In the mean while, one of the baby chicks jumped out of the cage and managed to get on the mainland. As I was frantically trying to get that little one (I had to move slow, so I wouldn't spook it) my god the boat was drifting out with the others on it, out of their cage. I started crying! Help me God! In a split second, I noticed the rope dragging in the water, I jumped in and grabbed the very tip of the rope. I managed to get the boat back to shore, and tied up. I then was able to get the chick back with the rest, and get the lid back on. I was shaking, yet I felt limp at the same time. I have more respect for what mothers go through.

One more chicken story. As I mentioned I would take the chicks out to the island daily. I also took my cordless phone so I could answer any business calls (after all, it was my job). I would stay out on the island for a couple of hours at a time with them, and just watch them play, and to help scratch for bugs! One day I just sat there thinking about them, how much I loved them. All of a sudden they came running up to me, as though to tell me something (they did this frequently, they imprinted on me, and always ran back to me to check in) they brought my attention to a rock, I picked it up, and I could not believe my eyes. It had a shape of a perfect heart. I was so stunned because I had been sitting thinking of how much I loved them, and I took it to be ( the rock) their way of feeling the same way (symbolically) towards me! I swear, the rock has a white shape heart-design on it! I have it with my collection of treasures. To date they all are full grown, and stunningly beautiful. It turned out, there were three girls, and a boy. I named the boy-rooster "Hopkins". He goes on long walks with the dogs and I in the woods. He comes running when I call him, and he flys up on my head! And he likes to roost on my shoulder! Talk about imprinting, when I drive up in my car, he comes running up with the dogs. He also sleeps with the dogs, and eats with them!

Now, about my dogs. I have dogs instead of children, though I consider them the same, in many respects. They are my family. I had an incident with one of them (Checkers). Checkers, being the biggest in size is the youngest agewise. She seems emotionally immature, but she is a very loving dog. After a severe dog fight, she initiated, "people" were suggesting that I place her in another home. This was preposterous to me. Never seriously considering this, I did try to visualize it. Since puppyhood, she always seemed to need more reassurance, consistency, and security than my other dogs. She is still like that for the most part, and she's 5 1/2. As a result I have made it a habit whenever she or any of my dogs come up to me, no matter what I am doing, I always stop, bend down and love on them. After all, if they're coming up to me when they can see I am busy, then I know they want something-love and attention, which I have tons to give. Anyway, the thought of Checkers looking around in bewilderment, and confusion for me, hurt me deeply. No way could I not be here for her. No matter what.

This triggered very deep, and sad images of myself as a child. I had been separated from my mother (her choice) at age one. I lived with (my sister too) my grandparents until age three, when I was separated from them too. My dad married my stepmom (who happened to live up to the stepmother tales!) She had severe emotional problems stemming from way back. She did not want us, and on top of that, she had her own two kids she favored.

Alot happened those first few years of my life. I believe, I shut down. I seemed to always be in a state of bewilderment, and confusion. Waiting for someone to interpret things for me. I lacked the ability to comprehend or something? I vividly remember being perplexed by the most basic things. At school, for example, if we lined up for lunch line differently, I would quietly panic, thinking I wasn't going to know how or where to stand. If we did something out of ordinary (schedule wise) I would be thrown for a loop! I sensed early on that the grown ups in my life were an unreliable source of comfort and security. They were so screwed up themselves. NEVER were the words I love you, uttered in our home, and there was a general sense of lovelessness, and emptiness in our fancy home. I too remember feeling very anxious and lonely. I was slow, dense, out of it. Naturally, I had zero self-esteem, and zero self confidence, and as a result, no friends! I was a dud. In all this, I skipped right on by the pain, anxiety, and sadness, after all I had to grow up. Anyway, my point to all this rambling is, it took that incident with Checkers to see the parallels in my own life, as a child. Until then, I left brained it all. I did not think I should be whining, and fretting over the past. My parents did the best they could with what skills they had at that time. When I left home at eighteen, to go to college, I said goodbye to all my bango thumper family members, and called it even. I filed the pain e.t.c. Of course it caught up. But not until another whole life time of experiences (another paper). Eventually, I felt the pain. Since alcohol and drugs didn't appeal to me as a fix, and I already tried, bad relationships, suicide seemed interesting, but I was too chicken, I opted for therapy. It was during this time that I was able to heal old wounds, dispel illusions, and really come to know that all things happen for a reason, my life, my experiences e.t.c. and I'm beginning to know why. In many ways, my family is still the same, and I love them so very dearly, because, I have changed. I can see now how they came here to take on these ridiculous roles just to teach me (even though they don't seem to know this!) They in fact have been my greatest teachers of all.

In close, I feel so blessed to be able to look at things with wisdom and truth. I truly am grateful for the many teachers put in my path, to cause me to think, and feel what an exceptional human experience is.