I really enjoyed having this book to work on because as I learned the process I began to notice what it had in common with other healing processes and spiritual attitudes. There seems to be a core of attitudes and/or skills that have been described in a multitude of ways by healers, psychologists, spiritual practitioners, etc. But there are common threads, and Focusing seems to contain a number of them.

For example, the first key to Focusing is to acknowledge and accept your feelings without judgment. "Acceptance without judgment" - you see that everywhere from Zen texts to New Age workshops.

Then you name the feeling. This is the archetypal monster that you face, the naming that initiates the separation of you from it. But with acceptance, the feeling is treated like a friend instead of being exiled to your shadow. So the disidentification is actually a is a step toward oneness (doesn't it seem truth is always based on paradox!). The respectful curiosity and gentle questioning that you do in Focusing is the same thing as the "deep listening" I learned in an envisioning workshop, and is some of what they do in the diversity workshops given in large businesses. It's also the cornerstone of intimacy. So when you learn to do it through Focusing, it can have exponential benefits in the rest of your life.

Sitting next to your feelings instead of jumping into them has obvious positive repercussions. The whole concept of naming the feeling and stating that part of you feels that way has helped me look at everything around me differently. When I don't want to sit down and start working, I can recognize that probably only a part of me doesn't want to work. In the short time I've been exposed to Focusing, I've already found that acknowledging feelings like that makes it much easier to get on with what you're doing. Turning that concept outward, maybe it's not the entire project I don't want to work on, but only a part of it. I can see there are parts I do want to work on, and get going on those.

This is immensely helpful in relationships, too. When I'm angry at my partner, I can recognize that only part of me is angry. Likewise, when he's angry at me, it doesn't mean his whole being is angry. I can be aware of the parts of him that love me, too, and that makes the anger easier to deal with.

The other point mentioned often in the book is that all of this takes time. There are no quick fixes. We're so used to quick fixes, and there are myriads of them touted in the bookstores, but it just doesn't seem to work that way yet. Cayce knew this - I groan every time I look up a Cayce remedy because chances are I'll have to spend 45 minutes a day sitting still for it to take effect! I'm beginning to suspect, though, that patience is simply a way to express acceptance. I'm baffled by Jesus' many statements in the Bible about how we can have what we want just by asking. And it can happen instantly. I should be able to snap my fingers and be healed, if I have the faith. Apparently I don't! But also I think it might not be possible to be healed of something you haven't accepted you've got. I suppose patience is also a way to express faith - even though I'm sick now, and I've been sick for days, I believe I'll be healed. It's the faithful part of us slowly overcoming the part that refuses to accept the illness and refuses to feel faith. Focusing recognizes this process, if it doesn't address it explicitly.

In the end I expect all the really profound "answers" are also extremely simple, and only become complicated in our attempts to apply them. That's why I like Focusing - it's a clear but flexible, and very forgiving method of getting the truth into your life.

Focusing is a method of emotional healing and self-awareness that works through the body. When you experience a jittery stomach as you stand to speak, this sensation has meaning. In Focusing, you listen to your body, and let it tell you what your body sensation means. Instead of trying to get rid of the feeling, you open yourself to it, and experience the full depth and richness of your whole self. When you listen to your feeling, it is more likely to relax and release, and let you go on about your business. The insight and physical release achieved through Focusing help you understand yourself better and create actions that transform your life in positive ways.

In the early 1960s at the University of Chicago, Professor Eugene Gendlin was interested in the reasons psychotherapy was successful for some people but not for others. After an extensive study of taped therapy sessions, he became able to predict the likelihood of success for each client after listening to their first two sessions. What made the difference?

At some point the successful clients would slow down, become less fluent and begin to grope for words. "Hmmm. I'm not certain how to describe this. It's not exactly fear. I'm not sure." Often they would say something like, "It's here in my chest."

These clients had some level of body awareness, while the unsuccessful clients stayed in their heads, remaining articulate but unaware of feelings in their bodies. Gendlin found a way to teach the skill of body awareness, which he called "Focusing." Initially he used it to improve psychotherapy, but eventually people started asking him to teach it for other purposes, such as for self-help, or to make decisions and help with creative projects. In 1978 he published a book called Focusing.

Focusing can be used for a variety of purposes in many circumstances. Here are some of the situations in which you might want to use Focusing:

* If you feel your therapy is in a rut: "I keep having the same problems and coming up with the same solutions."

* If you'd like to know more about your feelings and desires: "My partner asks me how I feel about something and I really don't know."

* If you'd like a way to deal with overwhelming emotions: "Sometimes I just have to shut down because I can't handle what I'm feeling."

* If you'd like to let go of action blocks or addictions: "I can't seem to stop _________," or I don't understand why I can't get myself to start ______________."

* If you'd like to disengage self-criticism: "Here I go again, I'll never get this right. I might as well give up."

* If you'd like to clarify and center your decisions: "As soon as I make a decision I start to worry it was the wrong choice. Sometimes it's easier not to decide at all."

It is becoming common knowledge that our bodies know what good health is, and can direct us to the right foods and right kinds of exercise to bring optimum physical health. But our bodies also carry the record of how we are living our lives, what we believe, how we are wounded emotionally and what we can do to heal ourselves. Our bodies know who brings out the best in us and who drains us, and they know what we need to do to live more satisfying and fulfilling lives.

We cannot learn all these things from our minds alone. Our minds can remember the past and plan the future, but the past and the future are not the domains of change. Change occurs in the present, and the body is always in the present. Focusing opens the entrance into this realm of knowledge where the potential for change exists. It lets you develop a trusting relationship with your body so you can listen to your body's whispers before it has to shout.

Ted decided to learn Focusing because of his inability to answer his wife's persistent questions about how he felt. His family had never discussed feelings when he was a child; as an athlete in high school and college, he'd learned it was better not to notice his aches and pains. Here are the basic Focusing steps that helped him listen to his body.

With eyes closed, Ted went inside. At first this was difficult, so he remembered he had had a cold recently, and checked to see if his throat was still sore. It wasn't, but now he was aware of his throat, and could move more easily to his chest, stomach and abdomen. These are the first areas to become aware of during Focusing.

At first, Ted felt nothing in these areas, so he gently asked his body what wanted his awareness. It's important to let the feelings come on their own, not to force them. After a few moments Ted realized his stomach felt tight; to him, this was normal. He said hello to the feeling, and then gave it a name: "clenched." After doing this, he felt a slight release of the tightness.

Ted stayed with the feeling and tried to get to know it a little better. At first it just felt like a wall, and then it occurred to him that he might be afraid. He checked: when he thought "scared" the tightness increased. This signalled that he'd found the right word.

Initially Ted wanted to tell his stomach there was nothing to be afraid of, but in Focusing you accept that there is a reason for everything you find in your body, so he kept listening as he asked his body what makes it so afraid. It took some time before anything came, but eventually he felt not only the fear but the fear of showing fear. At this, his stomach relaxed a little.

Ted could have stopped here, but he decided to try to get to know this feeling more deeply, and repeated his question. A memory came to him of his mother looking angrily at his father, who was slumped in a chair. He whispered to his body that he saw it was not OK to fail. His stomach relaxed fully.

He stayed with this wonderful, relaxed feeling, and noticed that his stomach had a tendency to tighten again, as if to ask how this had really changed anything. He set the question aside and asked if this was a good place to stop the session. But he felt the desire to stay with the relaxed feeling a few more minutes. After doing that, he thanked his body and said he'd be back again.

Later, Ted was on the phone with a client and noticed the clenched feeling in his stomach. He realized he'd heard an angry tone in the client's voice and this had triggered his fear of failure. As he recognized this, the clenching relaxed.

That night Ted was able to tell his wife that he was excited and scared about what he was learning: finally he had some feelings to report.

Ted's session encompassed the major steps of Focusing:

* Bringing awareness into the body through the throat, chest, stomach and abdomen

* Inviting a feeling by asking a gentle question like "What wants my attention?"

* Saying "hello" to a feeling when it first appears, and giving it a name

* Getting to know the feeling with an open attitude of curiosity

* Deepening the knowledge of the feeling by spending time with it; if an

emotional quality comes to mind, checking the word that names it to see if it's right

* Taking time, being patient

* Choosing whether to continue Focusing after each realization or to come back

another time

* Acknowledging any message that comes, without trying to fix it or make it go away

* Ending the session slowly and respectfully

After a Focusing session, life circumstances often offer opportunities for mini-Focusing by bringing back old feelings.

Your body needs a safe and trusting climate in which to give you its messages during Focusing. Think of a doe in the forest. If you wanted it to communicate with you, you wouldn't rush straight at it yelling questions. Like a shy animal, your feelings need to feel safe, and to know you are trustworthy, before they can deliver their messages.

How do you feel right now? Is it possible for you to let the feeling be, whether it's happy, sad, angry, restless? Maybe you, like many people, tend to judge your feelings, telling yourself you shouldn't feel this way. You might feel frustrated because you feel this way so often.

Have you noticed that the more you try to change the feeling the more it sticks? Before your feelings can start to change, you must let them be. This doesn't mean letting them take you over or get out of control; it just means letting them be there.

You can best relate to your feelings by being with them, rather than in them. This is like sitting next to a lake instead of jumping in. It's not necessary or even helpful to plunge in and let your feelings take over. There's no relationship when you and the feeling are the same thing.

Focusing works best when you can sit next to your feeling and listen to it. Instead of saying "I'm mad," you can say "I have anger in me," or "A part of me is angry." Now you can be with that feeling and hear its message.

Your feeling wants to be heard. Remember the times you've wanted to tell a story: when people really listened, it felt great. But what about the times when someone couldn't wait for you to finish so they could tell their own story? Remember the times you've been criticized, or given well-meaning advice? Advice and criticism are not listening, and they probably made you feel more confused and frustrated instead of clear about your feelings.

Clarity comes through listening well, without judgment, criticism or advice. To listen well you must first create a welcoming presence. You know that each feeling you have, positive or negative, is there for a reason, and you are interested and curious in that feeling, just as it is.

Next, you'll need to keep your awareness inside, letting your feeling know that you'll stay with it. Then you can listen for the essence of its message. At first what comes out might be hazy and hard to understand. But if you stay with it and try to hear what the

feeling wants you to hear, its message will become clearer.

Finally, it's important to stay in the present. Thinking about the past or fantasizing about the future distracts you from your body's message.

The first step in becoming a friend is always to say "Hello." It's easy to do when you meet a new person, but often we forget to do it with our feelings. Instead we ignore them, try to get rid of them, or talk ourselves out of them.

Saying "Hello" is a way to acknowledge your felt sense. If you start Focusing without acknowledging your feeling, it's likely to get stronger, making you more and more uncomfortable. It will certainly be reluctant to "speak" to you. Your relationship with your feeling will follow more naturally if you begin the same way you would with a new acquaintance.

What about those times when you're just not feeling friendly? Shift your Focusing to the feeling of unfriendliness. Say "Hello" to it. Sometimes this allows you to get back to the original issue, but other times the rest of the session will be about the feeling about the feeling. You'll probably learn something that affects many areas of your life.

Clarity is valued highly in our culture, and we often think we have to have one answer and be able to articulate it right now. But in Focusing we find it is natural to have mixed feelings. Focusing lets all of these feelings be heard, and once they've been heard, they can change.

If we start out thinking we already know what the problem is, we miss the message. Approaching your body with an attitude of not knowing opens the way to understanding. If your body is sending signals to you, then there is definitely something you don't know yet.

Be curious and interested to find out what you don't know. Maybe what you know is right, too, or maybe it's not. Just don't let it get in the way of listening. You might feel confused, trying to articulate a vague sense that you couldn't justify or defend to someone else, but that's OK. That means you're setting aside your obstacles and starting to hear what's going on inside. Wisdom will come not through what you already know, but from what you don't yet know.

Like the shy doe, you cannot control where your felt sense wants to lead you. If you follow it, it will take you right to the center of the maze of emotions you feel. There are lots of things you can do to help in your Focusing sessions, but you can't control the results. All the judging, criticizing and advice won't make your felt sense tell you anything or change. That will happen only when you sit back and respectfully let your felt sense take the lead.

You can trust your body to show you what you need to know, but you can't count on the process being the same every time. Some sessions will flood you with images, others will be peaceful and quiet. When you are receptive, each Focusing session gives you just what you need at the moment.

This chapter covers the first stages of Focusing. Once you've learned Focusing, you'll be able to do it while you're taking a walk or sitting at your desk. But first, let's explore Focusing sitting comfortably in a quiet place.

Until you're really familiar with Focusing, give yourself complete quiet. If you can, set aside half an hour. If you can't, ten minutes is a good start.

To keep from falling asleep, sit, unless your condition prevents you from being comfortably seated. You don't have to sit perfectly still. Loosen any tight clothing, and make sure you'll be warm enough.

It's helpful to record your sessions in a Focusing journal; have it handy. You might also want a pad to write distractions on - chores you remember, for example. This gets them out of your mind for now.

You can choose what to work on - issues such as a decision, a recurrent problem, a physical problem, something that came up in a previous session - or you can let your body choose the issue. If you're going to choose, let yourself get settled, take a few deep breaths and wonder if there's something you want to work on. Otherwise, you can just wait and see what comes up.

Breath deeply and relax. Let your eyes close or rest on something without really looking at it. Start to feel your body, your feet touching the floor, your back against the chair. Feel your weight and volume in the space you're taking up.

Now move your awareness into the middle of your body. How does your throat feel? Move down into your chest, your stomach and then your abdomen. Notice things like soreness or constriction in your throat; heaviness in your chest; peace or queasiness in your stomach; clenching in your abdomen, or something else.

If you don't feel anything, don't worry. Just try to become aware. If this seems hard, notice what it feels like to feel your arms and legs without looking at them. Lift them, noticing that you can tell where they are in the air.

If you're a regular meditator, you might tend to drift away from body awareness. Stay with your body: move around a bit, and then settle back into inner awareness.

If you have chosen an issue, ask how you are about it; otherwise, ask what wants your attention. This is like sending a welcoming invitation.

Now notice how you feel, anything from a mood to a physical sensation to an emotion. You're not looking for anything in particular, just something. It doesn't matter if it's strong or weak, vague or clear. Take your time.

If you begin to question whether "this is it," you'll get stuck. You might even feel "nothing," but your nothing has a quality, like "grey nothing."

If you've asked about a particular issue, it's possible your body has other plans. You can either go with the new issue, or check with your body about going on with the issue you've chosen.

Felt senses can come in any part of your body, but they're easier to work with in the middle. Start here, but if something comes up elsewhere, it's fine to shift to that place.

If you feel an emotion, remember to locate it in your body.

Gently but clearly say "Hello" to your felt sense. Notice how it responds: does it lessen, get stronger, settle in for conversation? Say "Hello" to each new felt sense that arises throughout your session.

This is like giving your feeling a name. You might have to try out several names: if you feel sort of sad in your stomach, start with that. Notice what your body does when you ask if that's the right description. Don't force it, just stay in your body and let the images and words come. Each time you sense a description, check with your body. Ask it, "Is clenching it?" Any change in the feeling, such as relief, strengthening or movement, is a sign that you're on the right track. Throughout your session, continue to offer your descriptions back to your body for confirmation.

When you've got just the right description, you'll get a feeling of satisfaction. (You might want to jot your description in your journal.) At this point, you have a few options. If the felt sense gets stronger, it's a sign that you're getting closer to the center of the maze. Follow the sign.

If you feel slight relief, something you weren't aware of has probably opened. Let yourself receive it, along with any insight that might come. This is another sign that you're getting closer.

If you feel complete relief, your felt sense eases and a kind of glowing warmth spreads throughout, you might have learned something about the whole issue. This could be an insight, a new step to take, or resolution. You might check to see if it's OK to end your session (see Chapter Five).

In this chapter we'll build on the relationship you've started. The following steps guide you through the conversation you'll have with your felt sense to get the whole story.

Take a deep breath and settle in; you're not in a hurry, and you're prepared to just be with your feeling. Ask it if this is OK.

Imagine that you're sitting with the sense in your body. Sitting is a good image because it's what you do with a friend, and it implies patience. If you're sitting, you're not in a hurry, not going anywhere. Sitting also keeps you next to the felt sense, not in it.

Now begin to wonder if there's a little more to the felt sense. Be gentle - remember the shy doe - but let yourself be respectfully curious and interested. If the felt sense seems to go away when you sit with it or wonder about it, maybe part of you is not ready to accept it as it is. Say "Hello" to that part of yourself.

What you get might be just a small addition to what you had before: "sad" becomes "sad and lonely." It's alright that you don't know everything about the felt sense; just concentrate on what you know and sit with it. Then gently ask if there's more.

As you add images or descriptions, keep checking with your body for confirmation. If you feel doubt, just ask. Keep in mind that the "something" changes; what was anger a few minutes ago might have shifted to worry. If you're having trouble, it could be because you skipped a stage; saying "Hello", finding a description and sitting with the feeling are all necessary steps.

it feeling anxious.

This is a little like sensing how a friend feels, without the friend having said anything. Sometimes words will come, but sometimes you'll get images, memories, even postures.

If nothing comes, slow down and back up. Come back to the attitude of trustworthiness in your relationship with your body.

Asking questions can help you stay with a feeling. Sometimes your body will take a question; at other times it might not want one. Get a sense of whether it's OK to ask, and stay open to all possibilities.

You can ask anything you like, but here are four common, helpful questions:

* What emotional quality does it have? This can add depth to your description if you haven't yet sensed an emotional quality.

* What makes it so ______________? Fill in the blank with your description or emotional quality. Remember that the "real" answer is the one that you didn't already know.

* What does it need? This is a good question to ask after you have a strong sense of what the feeling is and you've spent some time with it.

* How would "all OK" would feel? Even if your logical brain doesn't know how OK would feel, your body does. It's a great final question. Remember to stay with your body; thoughts about what would be OK are distractions.

There are many questions that would work at this stage. "What" and "where" questions tend to work; "why" questions don't. They smack of judgment and are the favorite fodder of your logical brain.

If you notice yourself saying "I think," "probably," "it must be," this is a sign your brain is taking over. Go back to your body. It might need more time and patience. Remember to confirm everything by asking your body if it's accurate.

A Focusing session isn't necessarily over when everything is resolved. Often it's just time to stop. If you sense that you've done enough, ask if it's alright to stop in a few minutes, or if there's anything else you need to know. Sometimes something very important comes up here. Otherwise, it might be that it's time to take a break, even though you and your body know there is more it can tell you when you're ready.

This is a good time to review what's come up so that what's come out of your deeper awareness won't be lost to your consciousness. Also, notice any changes you feel, even little ones, and welcome them.

If your session has time constraints, you can let your body know when you start Focusing. It will bring up something that you can deal with in the allotted time.

It's a good idea to give yourself about one or two minutes of finishing time for every ten minutes of Focusing. Usually a session has natural stopping points about every five to ten minutes. There's no rule about how long a session should be - it's up to you. You've succeeded at Focusing if you have stayed with a feeling in your body, even if that's all that happened.

Letting your body know you intend to come back is a respectful way to indicate that you understand this takes time and that there will be more information to come. Your felt sense might be reluctant to let you go after finally getting your attention, but over time this will get easier.

It could be helpful to jot a note or draw a picture in your journal marking the place you reached in your session.

Finally, thank your body for what you've received.

If you've ever had an "aha!" experience when you finally solved a puzzle you'd been working on, you know what if feels like to experience a "felt shift" in Focusing. This shift lets you know something fundamental has changed inside you, and indicates your body is realigning with the shift.

The shift can feel like deep relief, a warm glow, or peace. It feels clear, grounded, certain. Take time to let the feeling sink in. If you try to figure it out, you miss the benefit of letting it settle in, just as you would if you discounted it and went right on to the next activity.

The shift can come at any time during a session. Sometimes the shift will surprise you: you'll start out Focusing on one recurring difficulty and something else entirely will come up and fill you with flowing energy. After your session, take the new feeling with you.

Focusing usually feels at least a little good, but big issues sometimes take several sessions before any major change occurs. Often you'll notice small shifts before you get resolution. Take them with you, too. Each one is part of the relationship building you're doing with your body.

Sometimes you'll have an especially good session, one in which you, say, solve a problem you've worked on in many sessions. You feel transformed. It's important to let this transformation sink in. For a while, your old habits will continue right alongside your new feelings. Be aware of situations in which your old patterns came up and imagine what they would feel like now. If you just get on with life as you always have, the transformation won't be able to take hold.

There are a few things you can to do help ground the shift. After sitting with the feeling for a while, write it down in your Focusing journal. Make a note of what came to you right before you felt the shift.

Create something after your session. This does not have to describe the session, unless you want it to. Draw a picture, write a song, whatever you like to do. Don't judge it, or plan to show it to anyone unless you want to. Just let it come. Later you can look at it and re-experience the feeling of creating it.

Tell a friend. Make sure it's someone who'll listen without judging or giving advice. Re-experience the feeling through the telling of it.

Focusing sometimes provides a way for your body to create healing energy. A breast cancer patient sat down to focus the night before an operation, expecting to deal with her fears surrounding the operation. Instead, she immediately experienced healing energy running through her arms and legs into the trunk of her body. This brought her a peace she was able to take with her into the operating room; the operation was a success and she healed quickly.

Later, she did a Focusing session on the fear and resentment she felt about her radiation therapy. Instead of messages about the fear, she felt a cool waterfall that eased the burning from the therapy. This made it easier for her to take the remaining treatments.

Small shifts are what most Focusing sessions bring about, but even the smallest change is wonderful. It's up to you to value all the good feelings, and to protect them from that part of your brain that wants more, that doubts and criticizes. Send your brain on a vacation and let yourself enjoy what's happening to you.

This chapter contains several examples of ways to use Focusing to understand a specific issue.

Mary was overwhelmed with tears after her marriage broke up. Her grief made her feel fragile, and she had tried to push these feelings away. In Focusing, her fears initially became stronger, but instead of holding them back, she said "Hello" to the fear. This gave her a little relief, and when she continued, she felt she was now sitting next to a lake instead of being drowned in the ocean.

As she asked if her tears wanted to tell her something, she sensed a little four year old asking not to be abandoned again. She asked when she had abandoned the child, and she began to see images from her marriage, times when she had put her husband's feelings first. She saw the little girl standing off to the side, hopelessly waiting for her own needs to be noticed. Mary promised never to abandon her again, and cried refreshing tears.

Angela came to Focusing to deal with her habit of eating too many sweets. She invited the part of her that wanted sweets to communicate. She felt something in her solar plexus; at first it felt like grief. Eventually it became a hole that needed to be filled.

The feeling told her it didn't want to change. As she acknowledged this, she felt fear and realized it was afraid to feel joy. Her binges were its way of protecting her from joy.

The fear lightened a bit, and she felt compassion for it. Then it hit her: she saw her fear was keeping her in her dead-end job, and then that it believed that where there's joy, there's pain.

Angela felt like a dam had just broken and energy flowed through her. Three months later she was in a training program for a new job and her intake of sweets had become moderate.

Kay had suddenly begun to sneeze constantly. She couldn't trace the cause to weather or lifestyle changes, so she tried Focusing. When she said "Hello" to the areas involved in the sneezing - her eyes, ears, and nose - she got the word "scratchy." After sitting with "scratchy," she got "tired, full up." When she asked what part of her life this came from, she sensed "her job." She was working long hours on a labor dispute, dealing with what she felt were frivolous complaints. When she asked if that was it, her body said it was part of the problem, but not the whole thing. Then she felt the issue was about not trusting herself. This felt right, and she enjoyed the feeling of relief and clarity in her eyes, nose and ears.

But her ears still wanted her attention, and the word she got was "aching." What made them ache, she found, was "clamor." When she asked what about the clamor made her ears ache, she felt she needed to listen to her voice instead of all those around her.

Kay had gone 40 minutes without a single sneeze, but the next day her nose was running again. Often the symptom doesn't change even after we learn something true in Focusing. This is a hint that Focusing is only part of what needs to be done.

The author's story of releasing writer's block unfolds over a number of years. In her first Focusing session, all she got was a feeling of darkness and the idea that not writing felt like hiding.

The next session added "ducking" to darkness and hiding. Writing would be like sticking her head up. She started her third session with the fear of sticking her head up, and got an image of being on a shooting range. The word "sniping" came, and felt important. Feeling what sniping did to her, she got the image of her father asking her who she thought she was. She remembered her father's sniping at her when she "showed off" and realized she was hiding her creativity to prevent those attacks. Writing became easier, but still in spurts separated by much procrastination.

Several years later, She tried Focusing on writing again. She felt a tight band across her chest that she identified as adolescent. Soon she saw a teenager with hands on hips saying "You can't make me do it." She respected this part of herself and sat with it, understanding that part of her didn't want to be pushed around. She felt better after the session, but didn't have any new decisions or plans.

She was shocked when, instead of having to drag herself to the computer the next day, her teenager couldn't wait to get started. Knowing her feelings had been heard, she was ready to write, and writing has never been difficult since.

When Jan left her job to go to graduate school, her best friend applied for her old job. Even though Jan had no attachments to the job, she felt "weird" about this for weeks.

In Focusing she sensed a tight, elongated feeling that was sadness. This surprised her. When she asked what made her body sad, she thought it was something to do with being invalidated. Her body indicated this wasn't it, and in a minute she knew: she felt she wasn't believed. She had told her friend about the difficulty of the job and about her tyrannical boss, but the friend had applied for the job anyway, apparently not believing what Jan had told her.

Realizing this provided all the relief Jan needed, and nothing else had to be done.

Darrell had a little voice that told him it was too late every time he took steps to register in classes that would lead to a career change. He tried to convince the voice that 40 wasn't too old to go back to school, but nothing worked.

In Focusing, he found conflicting feelings. He was excited, but also hesitant and careful. The inner Critic kept telling him he'd wasted too much time. Saying "Hello" and asking questions, he found that part of him was afraid he would never succeed.

He let all the feelings be, and felt them pulling at each other. But after a while, things relaxed, and he felt the excitement and the hesitancy had become supporting partners instead of enemies. He asked what his fear wanted and it told him he wanted to use his talents and make a contribution.

He asked how it would feel if he was certain he could do that, and he felt warmth growing and spreading throughout his body.

If you haven't run into any sticky spots in Focusing, you're unusual. Here are a few common difficulties and some possible solutions.

At the very least, you probably feel something about not feeling something! Try asking the following.

Do I feel something positive? If you assume Focusing is about negative feelings, you'll miss the positive ones.

Is what I feel subtle? It takes a little practice to tune in to a more subtle wave length than you're used to. Going from a video arcade out to the forest, it might seem like nothing's happening at first.

Is it hard to describe? Remember that feeling something you just don't know how to describe is the predictor of success in therapy. Just call it "something" at first, and then take your time sensing the details. Developing a relationship with your feelings is more important than getting the right answer.

If you have several feelings all demanding attention, you need to "clear a space." Acknowledge each feeling and ask it to wait somewhere outside of you (on a pillow, at the beach) until you can get back to it. You might find it helpful to identify the feeling, and even write it in your journal, to help you find it when you're ready.

If your felt sense feels you're trying to get rid of it, it won't go. Try asking what it needs so that it can wait for you.

Images can be helpful or distracting, depending on how you use them. Body-felt images, like a red coal in your stomach, are just like felt senses, and can be treated as such. Visual images are more like a movie running past your eyes. If you get so interested in the movie that you forget about your body, you're no longer Focusing.

Check your visual images with your body. If you were to see, for example, a lion pacing in a cage, you could ask your body how that image feels. You might then feel a tightness across your chest. Checking back with the image, you'd get a sense that tightness was appropriate for the lion. Checking again with your body, you might get a feeling of restlessness, being trapped. Maybe you're feeling like that at work.

As long as you stay with your body as well as the image, visual images can be helpful. If you don't ever get them, don't worry. They're not necessary to the process.

Asking your body what it feels is not the same as promising to act on its wishes. Feeling anger doesn't mean smashing windows. If you don't let yourself feel, you'll block the process of Focusing.

Letting the feeling be sometimes allows it to change. Maybe your felt sense tells you it wants to fly to Tahiti. Ask it why that would be so right. You might find what it really wants is relaxation, freedom from obligations, and eventually you realize your life is a little too full. Acknowledging that gives you relief, and now the need to go to Tahiti fades.

But maybe you do need a break. The other side of the action coin is avoidance. If you repeatedly avoid doing what you learn in Focusing that you need, you'll get stuck. If several sessions bring up the need for relaxation, but you just keep steaming along, you'll never get to the next level of Focusing. What you learn in Focusing must become part of your daily life.

Everyone has an inner Critic that reminds us we are failures, selfish, stupid, hopeless, whatever. The Critic makes you feel awful, partly because a big part of you believes it. Treat it like a felt sense and say "Hello." Avoid the temptation to get rid of it, because what it really needs is love and acceptance. You can start to integrate the Critic's underlying feeling by asking what makes it afraid. Just listen. Then ask what it wants. This is the best way to release yourself from its attacks.

The Doubter in us doubts anything that can be doubted. The Doubter wants to be sure our experience is real, which is fine, but it doesn't have the tools to verify what's happening. It can only Doubt.

Remind yourself at the beginning of your session that anything you feel is something. Don't judge the feeling, just accept that anything you feel is real. Later, if more doubts come up, check with your body. Does your identification feel right? If it does, it's right.

If you reach the end of your session and the Doubter is still at work, remind yourself that the Doubter does not speak the truth; it doubts!

If you're afraid of what you might find out, focus on your fear. Be gentle, welcoming and curious. Two ways to block yourself are to think you have to stop because you're afraid, or to think you have to push through the fear. If fear is the strongest thing you feel, it's what you need to deal with. Gently ask what it so scary.

This is the most common Focusing difficulty. Here are some active ways to improve your concentration.

Speak out loud. This engages your ears, another channel, and makes checking back with words a little easier. Using a tape recorder gives you something to talk to.

Write. This keeps you focused and also creates a record of your sessions. You can jot down notes, or, if it's comfortable, write full sentences, in hand or at a computer, of your questions and responses.

Draw or paint. This is especially helpful if you see images. You can check your pictures against your body's feelings.

Take a walk. Or do the dishes. This loosens up the Critic, because you're "supposed" to be washing the dishes, not Focusing - that's a bonus!

Focus with a Friend. This is the best way to keep your Focusing on target.

While there's no need for another person to help you Focus, you'll find some of your most productive Focusing is done with another person.

The main difference between Focusing alone and Focusing with a friend is that you'll be speaking out loud. This should help your concentration; if it distracts you, then don't speak. When you Focus with a friend, each of you alternately plays the role of Focuser and listener.

Your first job is just to be there. Sit comfortably across from your friend and become aware of your body. If you feel any felt senses, say "Hello" to them and let them know you'll be back later.

Let go of any agenda you have for your friend. You're not there to make her change, have a good session, or to give advice. Turn your attention to her with appreciation.

The hardest and most important thing to remember is that you are not the expert, the healer, or the fixer. You're the companion.

Your second job is to listen. This may feel strange at first because you're probably not in the habit of listening without thinking, judging, or preparing what you're going to say. Once you're used to it, though, you'll probably find it restful and meditative.

As the Focusing listener, you will say back to the Focuser what she has said. If she says, "I feel clenching in my stomach," you'll say, "you feel clenching, there in your stomach." It may feel silly at first, but when you're the Focuser you'll find out how terrific it is to have someone really listening.

When you hear the listener's words, take them back into your body to check their accuracy. Really check them, don't just assume they're correct because they're out there. You'll find that hearing your words coming from someone else really helps.

As the listener, there will be times when you don't want to say everything the Focuser just said, especially if she's just said a lot. You'll need to pick out what will be most helpful. Here are some examples of things to listen for.

Feelings and emotions

Focuser: "I'm angry because my boss always waits until the last minute to tell me

about these crucial projects that have to be done by the end of the day, and I have to work late."

Listener: "You're angry."

Focuser: "I was feeling so relaxed in my throat yesterday, but now it's all tense."

Listener: "You're feeling tense in your throat." The last thing said

If the Focuser says too much for you to remember before pausing, repeating the last thing said is usually the most helpful.

Focuser: "I'm angry because my boss always waits until the last minute to tell me about these crucial projects that have to be done by the end of the day, and I have to work late."

Listener: "You're angry."

Focuser: "And I always end up working late."

Listener: "And you have to work late."

In advanced listening there are two ways you can change or add to your partner's words in order to facilitate Focusing. If your partner says, "I feel really angry about this," you could say, "part of you feels angry." Saying "part of you" helps the Focuser stay "out of the lake," and she can more easily keep from being overwhelmed by her feelings.

The other advanced listening word is "something." When the Focuser says, "I don't know what's going on in my chest," the listener can say, "You feel something in your chest." This moves the Focuser out of her head and back into her body.

There are times when a little guidance can be helpful to the Focuser. Remember, even when you're guiding, you're not the fixer, and your guidance is always related to the Focusing process, not to the issues in the Focuser's life.

It's a good idea to have in hand a list of the phrases you've created from Chapters Four and Five. Don't just read them in order; choose the one that's appropriate now, and rephrase it for the listener.

Here are a few situations that might call for guidance.

The most important thing you can say to guide your Focusing partner is "Take a moment to say 'Hello' to that." This will be so helpful when something new comes up, or when the Focuser is judging, dismissing or doubting her feeling.

Remember to use this suggestion when the Focuser is having a feeling about a feeling, too.

When your Focuser seems to have lost contact with her body, you can suggest she sense how her body feels. Sometimes the Focuser knows it's happened; she'll say she feels lost, or nothing's happening.

Other times you'll see the signs before she does. If she's analyzing, that's the signal to suggest she notice how her body feels.

Emotions can be as distracting as thoughts. If she says, "I feel angry," you can suggest she notice where in her body she feels anger.

Visual images can also sever contact with the body. When the Focuser describes an image without mentioning her body, suggest she ask if it's OK to check that image with her body.

Your partner might ask you to suggest a helpful question. Remember, questions come after saying "Hello," describing the felt sense, checking back to see if the description is accurate and finding out if it's OK just to be with the felt sense.

The three most helpful questions to ask a felt sense are:

"Does this have an emotional quality?"

"What gets it so _____________?"

"What does it need right now?"

Remember, as the listener your job is to suggest the questions, not to ask them. If the question you suggest doesn't feel right to the Focuser, that's OK. There's a good chance your suggestion will help her come up with one that is.

While it's not an instant cure, Focusing can be an extremely helpful addition to your therapy repertoire, especially for those tough clients who don't seem to be moving, or seem stuck repeating the same emotional patterns.

Before a client can Focus, she must be aware of her own feelings and perspectives. If she constantly talks about what other people did and felt, Focusing questions will probably confuse her. After she's told you about an event, you can ask how she felt about it, or how she reacted. It might a while before she can respond from her heart; keep asking, gently, how it felt, how it was for her.

Someone who is completely unfamiliar with their emotions might need a little modelling. You can say you imagine she might have felt angry about the situation, and ask if that's right.

Focusing also needs awareness of the present. If your client says she's been feeling anxious all week, you can acknowledge her anxiety, and then check to see if that's what she's feeling now.

Once your client is aware of present feelings, you can bring the body into the session. If you have confirmed with your client that he is feeling anxious, ask him where in his body he feels the anxiety. If he's able to do this, you can use guiding questions similar to those listed in Chapter Nine to help him stay with his feeling. If you feel it sounds odd at this point to suggest saying "Hello" to a feeling, suggest your client acknowledge it in some other way.

Good active listening can be tremendously helpful to a client; reflecting a client's feelings in a mechanical, distant way can be just as detrimental. Listening well can help the client stay with his feelings and explore them. Chapter Nine includes a section on Listening.

Your listening will be especially effective if you can detect when your client is at the "edge" of her experience. Remember those clients in the Gendlin study who became inarticulate and groped for words to describe their feelings. They were at the edge of what they knew. When you reflect a client's words, you can help her stay with the feeling she can't quite describe instead of getting distracted by the comments that come from her head. The client might be more comfortable with a comment like "I think I'm over-reacting" than with a vague statement about a sort of heaviness around her stomach, but will gain much more if you reflect the feeling and let the analysis go.

In Focusing, it's always important to check descriptions with your body to see if they're right. This is especially true in therapy, since your client sees you as the expert. If you've suggested a feeling and your client says that's not quite right, it's a sign that she's getting clearer about her feelings. Welcoming that will help her move deeper into the process.

When your client is unable to respond to any of your queries about his feelings, you can help familiarize him with his feelings by starting a session with "attunement." This is especially helpful when a client has no idea what he wants to work on.

Talk him through the first few minutes of Focusing: getting comfortable, becoming aware of his body, maybe first his hands, then his feet on the floor. Slowly move his awareness into his inner body, the throat, chest, stomach and abdomen, letting it rest there. Suggest he give himself a gentle invitation, like asking "What wants my awareness now?" He can let you know when he feels something.

As you do this, speaking slowly and pausing, it might be helpful to follow along in your own body. See the section at the end of this chapter for more on your felt senses.

If your client still feels nothing, try asking if the nothing in his throat feels the same as the nothing in his chest. Looking for difference often leads to a discovery of "something."

Asking about positive feelings can be surprisingly helpful. While we're generally looking for negatives, finding a positive creates a point of comparison and gives the client experience in recognizing feelings.

If nothing comes up during attunement, then you can help him take inventory of what's going on. Ask him what's getting in the way of feeling wonderful about his life. As he mentions each thing, have him acknowledge it and then put it down. Once he's done that, ask again. As he identifies everything, he might naturally move toward one item to work on, and you can begin. If not, you can ask him to pick something once he's finished. It's helpful to suggest he imagine his body as a magnet pulling one thing toward him.

Intense feelings can bring therapy to a halt if they're too scary or too overwhelming. Disidentifying with the feelings allows your client to get a new, safer perspective on them without diminishing their intensity.

When your client says she's furious, you can suggest she try out "A part of me is furious." This gives her the perspective of an observer. If she can tell you where in her body she feels furious, this localization will also help her disidentify.

Disidentifying helps your client accept her feelings, too. Once she's done that, you can gently suggest she let that part of herself know she's heard it. This is similar to inner child work, but doesn't require that you personify the feeling.

At first the goal is simply to feel what's inside. But the process isn't complete until changes are made in the client's life. She'll tell you when she's ready for that. Ask her what she intends to do, find out where she's ready to make a commitment. Once she's stated her commitment, ask her to see how it feels in her body. If it feels good, let her sit with that feeling as she imagines the action she's going to take.

Being aware of your body during a session can help both you and your client in a number of ways. Your intuition can be enhanced as you listen. Sometimes you'll have feelings or images that feel appropriate to share, and you'll find they move the process forward in leaps. At other times you might get a felt sense in your body. Especially when your client isn't feeling anything, suggesting she check her body for that feeling might bring her to new awareness.

Sometimes your clients trigger your own issues. Usually you will acknowledge them and set them aside for work later. Once in a while you'll have an insight as you acknowledge the feeling, and it can be helpful to share your experience with your client.

The emphasis on being present in Focusing will enhance any therapeutic process you use. Practicing Focusing yourself will enhance both your relationships with your clients and your relationship with yourself.

If you're in therapy, or thinking about it, you can enhance your growth with Focusing. If your therapist is unfamiliar with Focusing, show her this book or describe some of the elements that you'd like to try with her. You might find it's not necessary to mention Focusing explicitly; instead you'll just talk about some of the elements of Focusing.

As you start your therapy session, you might want to take a few minutes to settle down and sense your body. If you usually start out talking about your week, you could ask your therapist to remind you to take a minute to get quiet and become aware of your body.

You might also want to take time to be quiet during your session. Basically, you're asking your therapist to stop talking and let you do some inner sensing. If your therapist isn't willing to do this, be sure to find out why. Remember, this is your therapy.

You know by now that when you're confused you're usually on the verge of something important. But it's easy to forget this when it's happening. You can ask your therapist to remind you to feel what's in your body when you seem to be confused or unclear.

Keep in mind that it's alright to say "No" if your body doesn't agree with something the therapist has suggested. Most good therapists know they are not there simply to give you the answers, but our society places so much emphasis on "experts" and so little on "partners" that it's easy to forget that you have ultimate responsibility for your life.

While you're living the life you talk about in your therapy sessions, feelings will come up, situations will occur, and it won't always be convenient to call your therapist. If you're alone when this happens, say "Hello" to the feeling and imagine yourself putting an arm around it as you would an old friend. Acknowledge that a part of you feels this way, and be with the feeling, describe it, ask it what it wants you to know.

If something comes up while you're with others, take a deep breath and greet the feeling. If you're with people who would understand, you might let them know you need a little time to breath and relax; otherwise, try making an appointment to be with your feeling later when you'll be alone. Keep the appointment!

Over time you'll probably begin to notice some changes in the way you feel and react. You'll be more aware of your feelings, and more accepting of them, less worried about what other people think. You'll find it easier to have mixed feelings about things, and you'll feel more worthy of love, respect, and appreciation. It will be easier to feel these things toward yourself, too.

You'll also find you have more strength and flexibility in the face of difficulties. And when things are going well, you can enjoy them without worried about the next disaster.

All these changes will come about slowly, and in spurts. Be gentle with yourself, and take time to savor the new, positive feelings.

Focusing can help you know when it's time to end your therapy, and you can use it to support you through the ongoing changes of your life. You now have the gift of being able to acknowledge your feelings, and you have a nurturing relationship with yourself that is all yours.