Grace Well Bonnie, How’s it with you after your session?

Bonnie It certainly was an experience! It was pretty intense for me. It went on for a long time (2.5 hours).

Grace Sounds like you are feeling a bit drained.

Bonnie Well, I guess I am. I’m feeling ambivalent about the time frame, especially for a Friday night, yet I feel good that at last I have had an opportunity to try a technique I am interested in developing.

Grace So you have some mixed feelings about the experience. You feel excited to be experimenting with something new but also feel it demanded a lot of you for a Friday evening.

Bonnie That’s right. X had a lot on his mind and it seemed important to him to share the entire experience, like he was reconsidering it all again. It required a lot of energy and intense listening to take it all in and to keep it straight.

Grace So you were feeling drained from the intensity and length of the session.

Bonnie Yes, and the whole time I was listening, I was trying to connect with the feeling tone so as to be able to reflect appropriately. It was difficult because X was so into intellectualizing the experience, yet that alone told me there was a lot of feeling behind it. So several times I did connect and reflect feelings underlying the intellectualization.

Grace So you feel positive that you were able to touch a least some feeling.

Bonnie I did feel some success in touching against feelings, but also felt there was limited success in X’s response. He would acknowledge the feeling and even expand to identify a more authentic feeling, but would quickly get back into the space between his ears versus the space within his heart.

Grace You felt disappointed that X did not respond the way you thought he should?

Bonnie I guess that is right. I felt responsible, like I had failed in my assignment and also failed him.

Grace So you were feeling like a failure with your assignment and with your responsibility to X.

Bonnie Yes, I guess that is something I will need to work on. Even though I "know" this is not the case, it is easy to get caught up in that trap. X was obviously not ready to really feel the depth of pain he alluded to in the hour and half he went on about his "situation". Maybe on some level because I identified with some of his pain and have been unable to feel my own pain, the experience was compounded for me.

Grace All in all your experience seemed to have its ups and downs and you seem to have grown some from it. Thank you for sharing your feelings with me.

Bonnie Thank you for being there for me. It always helps me to share with you and know that you really care.

 

Grace Well Bonnie how’s your session with N this time?

Bonnie It’s more difficult this time for me to really say it was good, bad or even o"k. Let me just say it is interesting to be with N.

Grace So you don’t really have any strong feelings one way or the other, but you are connecting with something there that seems worthwhile.

Bonnie It is definitely worthwhile. Being with any person is always worthwhile. It is interesting because I identify a lot with N. and his perceptions about life and living.

Grace So you are feeling somehow connected with N. through your sessions.

Bonnie Yes, and that connection is becoming more comfortable. I am more at ease with letting N. be N. and move around at his own pace in exploring that which he wishes to explore. I am feeling less of a need to be the "perfect counselor", to fulfill his expectations of me.

Grace So this counseling is seeming more real and less contrived.

Bonnie Yes it is. I’ve been thinking how really neat it is; who we drew to us to counsel and be counseled by. N. my counselee is consciously aware of his journey, something that is very parallel to my experience. A., my counselor, on the other hand is about the age of my daughters, and has many of the experiences my daughters are encountering. One of my concerns in life is trying to let go of my daughters emotionally and dealing with their concerns of letting go of me. I am once again reminded that there are no accidents or coincidences in life. These relationships are keeping me face to face with the most pertinent issues in my own life. I think I’m more comfortable with just letting things be as they are.

Grace It sounds like you are becoming more at ease with just being you and letting N. and A. be themselves. Like you are creating a space big enough for all this to happen. Like going with the flow or non-resistance.

 

Bonnie Yes, something like that, but it’s not like I don’t think about judging and even sometimes feel like I’m moving in that direction, but something is happening to bring me back and redirect my processes and where I am, or need, or want to be. It’s like, I gaining more ability to accept and respect my own self, by accepting A. and N. It feels like a big open space where there is room to move around and breathing is full and deep. It is light and airy. It’s like a beautiful spring day with an expansive blue sky and puffy white clouds floating through the air moved by warm gentle breezes. And I am there somewhere in the midst of it all.

Grace You seem to be finding meaning for your own life then in this experience. Thank you for sharing yourself with me.

Bonnie Thank you, Grace for being there for me, to help me with my perspective of it all.