Well, I’m going to start right off by making the seemingly contradictory statement, that I found learning to do self-reflective listening to be both more and less difficult to learn than I expected. First, to address the aspect I felt was more difficult. I had expected to jump right into this video and exercise and did in fact start to do so. Then I kind of found myself putting the whole thing on mental hold. I think this was largely due to my not wanting to have another written assignment, along with the several digests already on the agenda. It was also partly due to the fact that I had a lot of other things to do in my life as well; completing two other AU courses, finding out I had to return to work full time when I had been working part time as well as being with and caring for my four year old son and husband. Anyway, I definitely put this assignment on hold for awhile.

Once I got one of the courses completed and reminded myself that this was my choice and I did in fact want to do this, I re-read the assignment, finished viewing the video, read the related articles on focusing and focused myself in the direction of moving ahead.

The actual doing of the exercises was easier and more fluid than I had anticipated. As is often the case, when we go ahead and dive into whatever it is we need to accomplish, we frequently find that it is not as difficult as we had envisioned. Plus, we have the immediate gratification of feeling better for having done something and, at least in my case, of having gained a little insight as to what is on ones’ mind.

Now, it may seem obvious to say that by engaging in self-reflective listening, we "hear" what we are saying. However, don’t forget that we "talk" to ourselves, mentally and constantly, at the rate of about 600 words per minute - yet how much of what we say actually sinks in? Therefore it seems to me, that it is not so easy to get even our own, undivided attention. This was the primary value I found in doing self-reflective listening. At first I was afraid I would feel silly saying back to myself, that which I had just said. I did however find one of the samples enclosed with the material I received, which had been done by another AU student to be quite helpful to me, in that it portrayed the self-reflective listener as another, in this case, an "ideal counselor." This idea made it easier for me to feel comfortable doing the exercises.

When we reflect back at ourselves and mirror what we are saying in another way, we are simultaneously both sending ourself the message that we are attending and hearing what we are saying, (i.e. recognizing the thought, feeling or whatever as having value) as well as subtly ferreting out what is going on with us. Identifying what we are feeling, rather than having vague clouds of uneasiness floating about, seems to lead to a certain amount of clarity, which I found to be quite releasing. Frequently, just actually seeing what is bothering me and acknowledging it, makes it seem less disturbing to me.

I guess the kinds of hints I would offer regarding this particular exercise are:

1) Avoid undue procrastination whenever possible.

2) Don’t worry about "feeling silly" - after all it’s just you and you - not you and the Supreme Court.

3) Be open to whatever comes forth, trusting in the wisdom of your self in knowing what to present.

4) It’s ok to feel whatever it is you feel - if you can’t be free with yourself, then with whom?

====================

        M1: So, how are you feeling tonight?

M2: I’m feeling a little bummed out. I’m frustrated by the way things are going at AU.

M1: It sound like some things are bothering you.

M2: I like things to be well organized and planned, and I’m finding it hard to adjust to all of the lack of organization.

M1: You feel as if things aren’t real structured.

M2: Yea, I like a more structured approach. There have been a lot of little errors and other mistakes that really grate on my nerves. I was hoping to get away from the hurried careless kind of approach to doing things while here, but now I sense that it’s just more of the same old hurried stuff where everybody is scurrying around trying to do more faster and making things worse instead of better. I really wanted to get deep into things and spend time doing good work.

M1: So, you feel as if your expectations have not been met. I hear you saying that you’re facing some of the same stuff you had hoped to escape.

M2: Exactly. I think it’s just part of American culture to want to achieve and bite off more than you can chew. I feel as if I should go to Africa or somewhere for a while where the opposite norms are in place so I can have some time to work on a more balanced approach.

M1: I sense that you feel great disappointment in this hurried approach that you see everywhere here in the U.S. It’s as if you want to escape it, but it keeps on popping up in front of your face.

M2: That’s it. I feel as if I’m trying to run from it, but I can’t hide. There must be some kind of lesson or message in it for me, but I haven’t quite figured it out yet. I really want to be in a place where I can develop all of my talents and potential in a balanced way and avoid the burnout approach. Now I have time for it, but nobody else does. These classes are too far apart, and there doesn’t seem to be much school spirit. I feel as if everybody wants to rush things.

M1: So, I sense that you came here looking for more bonding and help from others which you don’t feel that you’re finding. You also wanted things to be at a more relaxed pace, but you feel as if everybody is in the rush mode.

M2: That’s right. I know I’ve got to give things time, but I guess that I’ve gotten into the instant mode too where I want everything to unfold instantly, and the signals I get from others just encourage that attitude.

M1: I hear you saying that perhaps patience is a lesson that you can learn from this.

M2: Exactly, and tolerance too. I have such high standards for everything that I feel perhaps I need to learn to be a little more tolerant of ambiguity and bumbling.

 

While working at the University of South Alabama, I would regularly take time out from my hectic daily schedule for a short walk around campus during my lunch break. I would never spend much more than ten to fifteen minutes walking, and I was always sure to breathe deeply and soak in the beautiful natural scenery which included the majestic southern pines that towered all over campus and hundreds of frolicking squirrels and blue jays that were always fun to watch. Perhaps the most profound part of these walks were the inner dialogs that I would engage in. It was a true mental, spiritual, and physical workout that I valued greatly.

As a result of these walks and the inner dialogs, I have come to see the value of self-reflective listening. I would often gain such powerful insights and ideas during my walks in Alabama that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was speaking to my higher self. In fact, I would often break out into laughter as I realized that the voice and comments I had just heard could not have been my own. Therefore, the concept of self-dialog as presented in our transpersonal counseling class was not a new one to me and was actually quite familiar.

The transcript I have included with this commentary was the result of a dialog I had in my head one night while driving home from class. Although it seemed to be a pretty mundane coversation at first, I believe that it has helped me to see some of the familiar stuff I was hashing over in a new light.

As the dialog indicates, I came to AU to get away from some of the frenzied hurriedness that is so common nowadays. I approached my decision to come with great care and a lot of inner guidance; therefore, I believe that I have developed some very high expectations as to how things should turn out.

The theme that I find most interesting from this dialog is the theme of running and hiding. You can go anywhere in this world, but the personal issues that you need to work out are going to go with you. I knew that before I came here. In fact, when I visited Virginia Beach last March to check things out, that was one of the synchronistic messages that I got.

Nevertheless, despite my harsh criticism toward the hurried approach to life and the frantic pace that we have chosen in this society, I find myself wanting everything to unfold instantly without slow and careful reflection and growth. Intellectually speaking, I know that this is not the way of the Spirit. On the feeling level, I can see that there is more work to be done. In the middle of the dialog I state that there must be some message in all of this and, by the end of the dialog, I have identified patience and tolerance as two virtues I could carry away from it all. I have always been labeled and identified as a very patient person, and yet I now see that there is definitely more for me to learn in this area. Not bad for a twenty minute ride in the car!

I strongly believe that self-reflective listening is one of many ways that we can use to come in contact with our higher self. The trick is to come to see it has a valuable investment. Many people in the middle of a busy work day would not think it very beneficial to take ten to fifteen minutes out for some self-reflection and relaxation, and yet I found it to be a time that allowed me to improve my work performance on all levels. Even the time we spend riding in the car can be better utilized by engaging in some self-reflection as was the case in my dialog. Of course each individual is different, but the value of finding that special connection with our higher self cannot be underestimated. Hopefully, the day will come when everyone will find that special space.