me: I felt kind of dumb in class tonight.

counselor: Dumb? Like you couldn’t talk?

me: Exactly! I wanted to say something, but everyone else kept talking, and then it was time for the break, so I never said it.

counselor: You felt like everyone talked except you?

me: Well, not everyone, but the older students, I guess. Not older, exactly, but the ones who’ve had Henry’s classes before—they seem comfortable just piping up and talking.

counselor: And you don’t feel comfortable?

me: Not yet. I sort of wait for a silence to happen so I can say something without interrupting anybody.

counselor: You’re polite and wait your turn?

me: Yes, well, no one has turns exactly. Its like I’m waiting for permission to speak.

counselor: You feel like you need to have permission to speak?

me: Its confusing, because nobody holds their hand up waiting to be called on, its not that kind of class.

counselor: No one holds their hand up?

me: No, people just sort of start talking when they have something to say. And when they get excited about a subject, you can’t get a word in edgewise!

counselor: You wish they’d left you some space to speak?

me: Yes, I thought I had something interesting to propose.

counselor: You wanted to share your idea?

me: Yes. We were talking about being able to empathize with a client and really listen to him and not judge, and how do you handle it if his "problem" disturbs you?

counselor: You were talking about healing by listening and empathizing?

me: Exactly! And if a person’s "problem" disturbs you, its probably because you have a similar problem that you haven’t worked out yet.

counselor: So it would be more difficult to help that person?

me: There’s the danger of projecting your emotions on the client, or getting too upset to help him.

counselor: How do you feel about that?

me: As long as we’re trying to be so transpersonal, couldn’t it be that the client is there before you because you need to face that issue?

counselor: You mean, its not a coincidence?

me: Couldn’t it be a part of the definition of transpersonal that both the client and the counselor get healed?

counselor: That would certainly keep our jobs interesting.

me: I mean, we draw the lessons we need to learn in this life to ourselves in every other area of our life, so why be surprised if we draw to us just the client we need to show us where we still need to heal ourselves?

counselor: So you feel like a part of the definition of transpersonal counseling could be that the counselor is also being healed as she helps the client, and that the counselor even draws to herself the client she needs to heal herself?

me: Yes. I mean, if the world’s constantly changing, and our consciousness is constantly evolving, wouldn’t the counselor also have to keep constantly evolving, if for no other reason, just to keep up?

counselor: Interesting. So, if I’m already your ideal counselor, how do you see me evolving?

me: hmmmmm. . . . .well, if I myself keep evolving, maybe my idea of an ideal counselor will also evolve.

counselor: I wonder if my Creator is also evolving. Perhaps I’ll never be able to think of Him again as "Absolute".

me: If He is evolving, I hope He does it slowly enough for us to keep up with Him! What if He were meditating one day and realized the Earth plane and its evolving souls were no longer necessary for His evolution?

counselor: I feel thankful that He’s put up with our stumbling bumbling progress this long!

me: Imagine how patient He must be!

counselor: Thank you for sharing. You’ve woken me up to new possibilities.

me: Thank you for listening!

 

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Transcripts of Self-Reflection

Bonnie Finnell

                                Counselor: How are you feeling today?

Client: Well, its been a rough weekend. I went home for the holidays and it brought up a lot of feelings for me.

Counselor: It was an emotional experience for you?

Client: Well, I was very anxious about getting through the week in order to go home. But the closer the weekend came, the more anxious I was feeling. You’d think that I would be relieved that the work week was over.

Counselor: It seems that you’ve been really pushing yourself this past week.

Client: Yeah, I have a lot of things just piling up around me and I can’t seem to keep my head above water. I’m so frustrated that I can’t finish everything on time.

Counselor: Its important to you that finish what you start, isn’t it?

Client: Oh yeah! I always feel that I should be doing more than what I am. Its hard for me to relax and go with the flow. Everyone keeps telling me to relax, but I can’t seem to find the time.

Counselor: So its been obvious to those around you that you may be overly stressed?

Client: A lot of my co-workers, friends and my family have noticed that I don’t give myself enough time just for me. Even over the weekend I was in a hurry when I was at my mother’s home. I didn’t have to worry about deadlines or work, but I was still "running".

Counselor: It sounds like you are having a tough time slowing down.

Client: Well over the weekend I had to drive home and spend time with my family. Everyone had different schedules, and it seemed like I had to accommodate everyone’s needs but my own.

Counselor: That must have been difficult to put everything above your needs.

Client: It was. Sometimes I get so tired of taking care of everyone else but mine. (Long pause, crying)... It just doesn’t seem fair. I mean I do for others, but don’t feel that I get as much in return. I just want someone to understand where I’m coming form and be able to assure me that things will be o.k.

Counselor: I hear you saying that you really want someone to listen and be there for you

Client: Yeah, I want someone to comfort me and tell me that things will: work out. I do talk to my mother about a lot of issues. We’re very close, but lately even she is having a hard time understand what I’m going through. She tries to talk to me, but sometimes she’s to close to the situation to help.

Counselor: You and your mom are pretty close. That’s a good relationship to have. It seems that she is a strong support system for you now.

Client: She is. I love talking to her, but lately when I talk to her, I only want to bounce some ideas off of her for her opinion. She thinks that I want instant answers and then gets mad at me for not making up my own mind. I just want a sounding board. (frustration in voice)

Counselor: It seems that a lot you are feeling frustrated right now.

Client: Well yeah, I’m not the whining ten year old that is still seeking mommy’s attention and approval. I’m an adult that needs someone close to talk to, someone to share my ideas with.

Counselor: You mentioned approval. Its nice to receive approval.

Client: Sure its nice, but I always used to look for it from her in everything that I did, but now its not like that. I still feel a sense of comfort when I know that she is pleased with me, but I know that I have to be responsible for the decisions that I make. I can’t always look for someone to give me a "quick fix" when I’m upset or when things aren’t going my way.

Counselor: So what your saying is that you’re becoming more independent and not as concerned of what everyone wants from you?

Client: Yeah, I guess that’s what it is. Now I just have to trying to accommodate everyone else but me. This would even give me more time to spend trying to relax. Everyone says that I do need to make more time for myself. (Strong confidence)

Counselor: You seem to know what you need and now things are paving the way for them to happen.

Second Dialogue

(Grace as Bonnie’s alter-ego)

Grace: So Bonnie, how are things with you, what’s going on with you?

Bonnie: Well actually I’m feeling somewhat better tonight than I have for quite sometime. I’ve really been down lately. I’ve felt really tired and strung out. Actually I have been depressed and sort of sad.

Grace: You’ve really been having a tough time lately, but you are beginning to feel a bit better.

Bonnie: Yes I have had a difficult time. Today, I was in a meeting, well actually I have been in meetings all day, every day this week. At least my body has been in meetings. I have been disinterested in it all. But today, while I was sitting there and the rest of the faculty were processing their feelings, I began to feel that my presence there among them was insignificant. I have feelings too but no one ever seems to take them seriously. When I came there to work and they were deciding to integrate the curriculum, I volunteered to take an active role in that planning as I have a good amount of experience in that area. Not once have I been asked to assist in front line planning. Also, recently I went to the Director and reported harassment by another faculty member and the whole thing was pretty much ignored. Sitting there, I became aware that I am not working to my full potential in this setting. At first it made me very sad, then I began to see that my days there are numbered and it is time for me to begin to think of moving on.

Grace: You are feeling that you have a lot of experience and expertise to offer in your position and no one seems to be at all impressed or interested in that fact. You are feeling hurt and negated.

Bonnie: Yes, all they seem to want is to use me as a work horse, expecting me to fill in here and there and do whatever. Last week-end was my first days off in 12 days. Who there cares one bit?

Grace: It sounds like you have really had a difficult time. Like you work long and hard, with little notice and no thank you’s and you are feeling used and depressed.

Bonnie: Yes, but you know today while I was sitting there thinking all of these thoughts something started to change. I began to see that a lot of what was happening was really my own projection onto others. That often I negate myself, and expect too much of myself and that it saps my energy and my self esteem. I lose my focus and need to come back to center. To refocus on the present moment and appreciate myself and be more gentle with myself and what I expect of me.

Grace: You’ve had quite a revelation. That a lot of what you were experiencing was your projections onto those you work with.

Bonnie: Yes and when I got redirected, I felt mort control and immediately some of the stress lifted. I do feel that I am not utilizing my potential in this position, so I will begin to build something new and better. I really seek a working environment among true professionals where there is mutual give and take. Among caring people who listen and hear what is being said. And I know that if I build it, it will come. That is exciting and uplifting.

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(Note: Several Participants in the Association of Learners exploration into spiritual healing participated in creating a video version of the class. Here one of the learners used the self-reflection exercise to explore feelings about being in front of a camera.)